Carol Singers

Cor blimey, there were actually some genuine Carol singers at the door last night. It wasn't the normal youth who bang on the door and sing the first verse of "Away in a Manger" before expecting money on demand and then giving Christmas abuse when you don't give it to them. Nope, this was a local group who even had their own dodgy tape recording of "Now that's what I call Carols 2006".

However genuine they may have been I was able to escape the house before they banged on the front door but my landlord had to play famous Hallowe'en game of "Let's pretend I'm not in!" It's nice in some respects to witness a genuine carol singer again. In these diversity barmy times having someone singing Christian rhyme at the door is unusual. I wonder if someone called the police and reported them for a racially aggravated section 5 public order offence?

Had to go into work today. It was my day off but as part of my probation I have to fill in this huge file containing "National Occupational Standards" to demonstrate I can do my role as a police officer. To put it mildly, the whole thing is a load of tosh. Each standard is normally based on something you would need to do as a police officer, but the trouble is you then have to justify every action and take into account the person's human rights and diversity. For example, one standard is dealing with a confrontational situation and so the scenario would go something like this:

• Describe the event: "In order to stop my head being kicked in I had to use my pava spray, ASP and handcuffs to subdue the subject who had told me he was going to rip my head off and spit down my throat."
• Were your actions justified?: "Yes. In order to stop my head being kicked in I had to undertake this procedure and I for one did not want my head ripped off and someone else's spittal projected down my throat into the last breath contained in my lungs."
• Did you respect the other person's diversity, taking into account customs, beliefs, religion and human rights?: "Are you having a laugh?"

Etc., etc., etc.

You then have to get these standards signed off by a witness who was present at the time of your actions. Hmmmm, that almost assumes that if you work as an individual you are either likely to lie or such situations do not occur. However, I have to do them so that I can achieve the high status of Sheriff, or at least a fully fledged member of the police farce. As I understand it, the procedure is that you fill in these things, they are checked over by your training unit and the file along with you are presented to a superintendent or higher who then completely ignores them and says well done before giving you an overview of their own career etc. I suppose the main up shot is that you get a pay rise at the end of it.

Update. Gerald is still talking to me and is claiming that she's having problems with her long distance partner Arnold. Still don't quite know what to do but at least I am a bit happier now and not as suicidal as my last blog suggested. Incidentally, it proves that nobody reads this as I didn't receive any support from the Samaritans!

Roll on Easter.