Youth are liars! That's not a non diverse, stereotyping statement to encompass all youth, but in this job the ones you normally meet are, quite frankly, liars of the first degree. Casing point. Today, whilst on duty, I was called to a disused nursing home in order to answer a call that there were youths drinking and hurling abuse at the happy Joe public that happened to put their oar in and make a comment (aaaaah, it's the school holidays). I turn up at the address, eventually as the control room did not have a Scoobies as to it's location. On arrival all seems quiet until I notice a young girl standing at a window inside the building. Unfortunately she spots me and you see her mouth the words, "OH FARK, IT'S DA FILTH. RUN FOR YER LIVES." Okay, slight poetic justice but the point is the same. Not knowing their exit point I firstly go in the wrong direction and then secondly take the correct part of the 50:50 chance and come across two girls in the grounds of this building. Of course the little darlings run, naturally, I run.
This brings me to another point. Have you ever tried running after someone wearing a stab vest? In fact, it's not just the stab vest, it's also the load vest that contains your Airwaves (let's fry your testicles) radio, your mobile phone ('cos Airwaves is carp and doesn't always work), ASP aka extendable truncheon/club, torch, handcuffs and all the paperwork you can shove in the spare pockets. I have seen slow motion films of dogs running, I've also seen the bit from Monty Python's meaning of Life when a man chooses how to die and is chased off a cliff by topless ladies running in slow motion, and if you can imagine the up and down/side to side movement in those images you can imagine how the equipment on a load vest moves when a police officer runs. I find both hands grasping at my equipment (ooo-err missus) to stop it flying off in different directions. That combined with my large frame (yeah, yeah, coffee and doughnuts), it makes running almost as impossible as it is for a bumble bee to fly.
However, I digress, either way I caught up with the two young "ladies" in question, one of which manages to vault over a gate and the other, let's face it, her ass was grass and I had the weed whacker! Unlikely for her, she was the one I saw inside the building when I first arrived. The first question that sprang to mind was "WHAT WERE YOU DOING IN THERE." To which she replied, "I WASN'T IN THE BUILDING I WAS JUST STANDING OUTSIDE." Now this kind of statement just sets me a challenge, how many times can I catch her out by questioning every answer she gives me. I don't think I've had a more fun Sunday afternoon for a long time, especially with the mood I was in as well. Even when I told her that I would take her back to her parents she seemed to know exactly where my car was parked, which of course raised the question "HOW DID YOU KNOW MY CAR WAS PARKED HERE?" I don't often call people a liar to their face but this afternoon I made up for it.
Now, at the end of the day, the building was derelict, the window used to gain entry could have been broken a long time ago, and so it would be hard to tell if my "captive" had actually contributed to this. However, in it's own small way justice was served when I took her back to her parents' house and basically told them that she was the number one suspect in a criminal damage/burglary offence. The slight bit of justice, and pleasure, I got from the escapade and the inconvenience of running (bloody hell I got out of my car!) was that her mother has now grounded her for three months and taken her mobile phone away from her!!!!!!!!! Ahhh, who needs the law courts!
Apologies for this being such a long time since the last blog but I've been a tad busy and my personal life of late has been . . . interesting.
This brings me to another point. Have you ever tried running after someone wearing a stab vest? In fact, it's not just the stab vest, it's also the load vest that contains your Airwaves (let's fry your testicles) radio, your mobile phone ('cos Airwaves is carp and doesn't always work), ASP aka extendable truncheon/club, torch, handcuffs and all the paperwork you can shove in the spare pockets. I have seen slow motion films of dogs running, I've also seen the bit from Monty Python's meaning of Life when a man chooses how to die and is chased off a cliff by topless ladies running in slow motion, and if you can imagine the up and down/side to side movement in those images you can imagine how the equipment on a load vest moves when a police officer runs. I find both hands grasping at my equipment (ooo-err missus) to stop it flying off in different directions. That combined with my large frame (yeah, yeah, coffee and doughnuts), it makes running almost as impossible as it is for a bumble bee to fly.
However, I digress, either way I caught up with the two young "ladies" in question, one of which manages to vault over a gate and the other, let's face it, her ass was grass and I had the weed whacker! Unlikely for her, she was the one I saw inside the building when I first arrived. The first question that sprang to mind was "WHAT WERE YOU DOING IN THERE." To which she replied, "I WASN'T IN THE BUILDING I WAS JUST STANDING OUTSIDE." Now this kind of statement just sets me a challenge, how many times can I catch her out by questioning every answer she gives me. I don't think I've had a more fun Sunday afternoon for a long time, especially with the mood I was in as well. Even when I told her that I would take her back to her parents she seemed to know exactly where my car was parked, which of course raised the question "HOW DID YOU KNOW MY CAR WAS PARKED HERE?" I don't often call people a liar to their face but this afternoon I made up for it.
Now, at the end of the day, the building was derelict, the window used to gain entry could have been broken a long time ago, and so it would be hard to tell if my "captive" had actually contributed to this. However, in it's own small way justice was served when I took her back to her parents' house and basically told them that she was the number one suspect in a criminal damage/burglary offence. The slight bit of justice, and pleasure, I got from the escapade and the inconvenience of running (bloody hell I got out of my car!) was that her mother has now grounded her for three months and taken her mobile phone away from her!!!!!!!!! Ahhh, who needs the law courts!
Apologies for this being such a long time since the last blog but I've been a tad busy and my personal life of late has been . . . interesting.
